I know I've been an ass before.
I lay awake at night thinking of the things I might have done wrong in the day.
If I can't find any, I think about the day before, or the day before that, or the day before that.
I remember things I said that were awkward from a long, long, long time ago.
I used to have this cheery deposition that was just there. As in, despite all the crap in life (because I am firmly convinced that it has never really been good probably because I have never let it) I was always okay with me and knew that at some point in my life things were going to turn out okay.
Now I need things to turn out okay.
So here I am, trying to be cheery and I just end up zoning out.
I am exhausted.
My Memere turned 90 on October 4th. Bon Fete.
I wish I were older and looking back on all this already.
So this is turning out well, this diary is draining me of .. well, everything I wasn't already drained of, I suppose.
Imagine four months from now, how excited and happy I have the potential to be.
You know, all this was supposed to be was me saying that I am always so sorry for such a multitude of things.
But really, I am sorry.
Please accept my apologies.