The girls at work keep making me get upset about everything. I hate getting upset in front of people, and lately I cry so fucking much that it makes me angry!!! CRYSTAL SMASH!!!
I wish. Heh!
I think that lots of poeple right now seem to be growing out their hair. I am going to get a cut once I get to Toronto, but I am going to have it about chin length. Right now some parts are longer than that. I really like to get my hair cut after breaking up with someone.
I need to find the bitch I used to have in me. I never trusted anyone and would just do what I needed to do. Now I worry about EVERYTHING and EVERYONE else. Stupid everyone else! I want to do what I want to do, damnit! FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!
I finished some knitting last night and that made me feel good.
You know, he freaks out and is an asshole and instead of saying sorry is just nice for the next little bit. This is how my dad was after he would beat the shit out of us or my mom. I didn't want to end up like my mom. Sure, he's not beating me but I almost feel like I could handle that better than his stupid fucking bullshit. It's not even that I want a sorry, I really just want him to never do it again, so I suppose that either way it doesn't matter.
Now that I have made the decision to leave it's getting easier because of all his asshole crap being so OBVIOUS to me now. The only part that is getting harder is staying long enough to save up money.
I might be able to fanagle a bit more savings money if I leave on a wednesday because those days are paydays and I would normally give him $150 for bills. But then I would have to wait until the weekend to leave with him KNOWING. Or, I could not wait until the weekend to leave and just roam around the T.O. for the day on thursday. So many choices, so little people telling me exactly how I should do this.
I think the best is for him to not know until I actually go. Probably because I am a weak individual. I wish I could just yell or something and get really mad so that he would leave me alone for the next two months and I could save my money in silence. Sweet, sweet silence.