I haven't had enough time for much lately. Everything in my life seems ruled by what people need or want me to do. I don't think that I have ever had such an overwhelming feeling of oppression and responsibility. I used to be so damn carefree.
I wake up tired no matter what time I get to bed so I have been staying up later the past week or so and trying to get some quiet time in the evenings. I think it's helping, but how can you really be sure?
I can't seem to save up any more money right now. What little I did have dwindled and it seems like things keep coming up. It's really getting hard to explain why I don't want to spend $50 on groceries each week. I know I could eat cheaper, but it's just the reasons. What could I possibly say to justify the massive portions of Ramen?
On a good note, I found out that I am going to get TWO WEEKS bonus instead of the one week bonus I was anticipating. Hopefully that will help add to the eroded "Get The Fuck Out Of Dodge" fund.
I get to do a Christmas layout for someone very special, and it makes me feel good. Part of the inner circle in some way, I guess. Also, I spoke to bacon butties and got a secret picture that if I tell you about he will... bomb me, or something. So I'm not to say a word. So I didn't just type this.
Life is so depressing and tedious at times, it makes me wonder why I think it is really magical and wonderous. I just want to find the good times again and then stay there for a bit.
I found out what a friend is getting me for Christmas and it turns out to be a very thoughtful and cool gift. It's things like that that make me sad to leave. I know that I have to, but god fucking damn it. God fucking damn it, already.
Do I really have to live through 80 more years of this crap? Not specifically this situation, but isn't there always going to be shitty things around that I have to deal with? All I really want is a break. One year, out of all the years that I have to live, just one year of not feeling fucking exhausted with it all.
Was I born 90?